You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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