maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I could fuck to npr.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
