Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
