Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
