I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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