I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
