I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
