Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
