That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Drunk is a universal language darling
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
