It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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