you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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