Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Someone signed my nipple.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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