Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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