K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
