she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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