Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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