his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
