Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
