i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
