when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
