Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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