There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
