i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
