you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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