12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
