She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
