I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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