Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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