once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
