I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
