a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
