Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
