Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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