weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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