im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
