the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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