You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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