Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Slut skills are useful in every country.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
