OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
