I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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