i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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