In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
