The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
