The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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