I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
