he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
