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The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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