She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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