You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
