no, he came in my armpit
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
