I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
