Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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