he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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