i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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